Prime Time Creche Report – Anxious About Childcare?

Giraffe Childcare at Belarmine, Stepaside, Co. DublinPhotograph: Eric Luke/The Irish Times

Were you one of the parents who stared in horror at the RTE PrimeTime Creche show last night, exposing how badly little children are being treated in childcare institutions?  I imagine that for many who go out to work you are in turmoil this morning.

It makes sense that you’re feeling anxious and you’re asking yourself questions like:

‘How do I know my little one is ok?’

‘How do I know that my little one is not being subjected to this type of abuse?’

‘How do I know that my child’s daily record of activities isn’t just a fabrication?’

‘If these things have happened in other centres, how do I know they can’t happen in my child’s creche?’

There are no doubt many very good centres where staff genuinely care about the wellbeing of the children– but how do you know your child is ok? Even if your child isn’t speaking yet, s/he may be giving you important messages. Especially be aware of a behavior that has suddenly started.

Symptoms that something may not be okay for your child include:

• Night terrors
• Sudden return to bedwetting, even thought your child had been dry. (What might s/he be p***d off about?)
• Sudden change in behaviour (Notice if your child is suddenly clingy, tearful, withdrawn, hurting others).

Of course, there can be something else disturbing your child, but the secret lies in being aware and piecing the pieces together to gain a fuller picture.

Even if your child isn’t speaking yet, s/he may be giving you important messages. Especially be aware of a behavior that has suddenly started.

Let me share a colleague’s story:

She and her husband had always had a ‘gentle hands’ policy at home. Her feisty four-year-old daughter had been in creche just a couple of weeks when she smacked her younger brother. ‘We have gentle hands,’ said mummy.  ‘We don’t use hands for hurting.’ ‘But mummy,’ the little one responded. ‘I have to teach her to behave.’

Mum was tuned in and soon started hearing more about what was going on in creche. Her daughter is now settled in a new centre where she is very much happier.

sarahamina via photopin cc

When your child acts out, if you focus on disciplining the child without understanding the behaviour, you may never discover what is really going on. Even if you use a ‘positive’ form of discipline, like a treat for good behaviour, you might stop the concerning behaviour but will you discover what your child is  experiencing? Even if it wasn’t your child who was mistreated, they can be deeply upset by seeing another child being treated badly. Just the sound of the children’s distressed crying in the programme last night had my stomach churning.

When your child acts out, if you focus on disciplining the child without understanding the behaviour, you may never have discover what is really going on. 

Children feel other children’s distress too.

Young children’s brains are still under construction so they are likely to be more affected by other children’s upset than you are.  Just because they can’t express their distress in words, doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. And the upset is there for them but they might not have adequate vocabulary to process the experience and share what they need.

So the bottom line is that if your child is acting out you want to get to the root of what’s really going on.  You may not like your child’s behaviour right now but it can be an important clue to what your child is experiencing.

It makes sense that when your child is acting out you want to stop that behaviour, but it’s more important to understand that behaviour.

If you don’t deal with the root of the problem it’s just going to keep on reappearing, or worse still, your child will give up hope that anyone is going to tune in to his needs.

Your little one is capable of telling you more than you might have been giving him credit for.  Please listen to your child’s behaviour.

NOTE: Seek professional help if you are concerned about your child’s wellbeing.

Val Mullally MA is an accredited Parent Coach with wide experience as a teacher, principal and trainer in early education. She offers workshops for both parents and for those working with children, especially about creating environments that support children’s emotional well-being.

For  more about connecting with children see ‘Childcare concerns? – LISTENING to your child

Val is presenting a workshop in Kilkenny on 5 June 2013 that will give parents tools and insights re ‘What to do when you’re feeling anxious’.  For more information see  ‘Helping Your Child Cope’